Falling out of love

Every time I start a new term at university I think 'this time, I'll make time for my blog, this time I'll do it', and then it doesn't happen... You'd think doing physics most of the day every day I'd have plenty to keep this blog going but if I'm completely honest, this year has been a bit of a drag. When I was trying to think of the coolest thing I learnt this year, I honestly couldn't think of anything and that makes me really sad. I suppose maybe I feel this way mostly because my nightmare revision period has tainted my memory of the year.

My favourite module was my first optional one. It was mostly mathematical but we derived Newtonian laws and saw how they all tied together and I loved that. Not just taking things for what they are, really getting inside them and applying them in the ways I always have but in a way that seems natural this time. And then I always love learning a new mathematical technique that lets you get that bit further. It feels like getting a weapon on Zelda and moving up a level. But all that was half a year ago so I've half forgotten the excitement of it....

So yeah, next year will be better and I'm going to use this summer to fall in love with Physics again. And where better to do it than on this blog where it all started? And although I think of last year being the biggest struggle, I came out of it all with a pretty impressive 69% so it ain't all bad ;)

I'm also using this summer to work in an accountants office... I know, I know, it sounds like I'm selling out... And if I'm honest, I am. I desperately wanted a job this summer. I need experience for my CV, something to get me out the house and stop me going crazy, and sure the moneys nice. I've mentally spent it a thousand ways already. And trust me, anyone who's done audit commission work will tell you that daydreaming is the only difference between you and the computer on your desk...

Okay, I'm exaggerating a little, it's only been a week and I'm naturally an optimistic person. It's nice having the evenings and weekends free. I have learnt a lot this week and maybe it's not something that I'm particularly interested in but I do love learning. I'm a little less optimistic about the next 3 months but the people are nice and I get to see my family more than in term time. And my boyfriend is also in London, so as exciting as an internship in a German university would have been, this job does have its perks. He isn't a physicist but he's seen my blog and didn't break up with me so I reckon he's a keeper.

I did apply for many physics related internships but to no avail, I'm sure I'll talk about that some more later. I'm gonna be needing some posts to help me with all that this year.

I'm sorry that this comes across as a rather negative post but it's just the way it came out... I hadn't fully realised quite how tired of it all I had become... I suppose this summer is about fixing that! This is a good reference point I suppose...

Oh wait, you don't care...

So, I think maybe an update post is in order.

First of all, I got a new poster! It was free from the open university and it is pretty big! I really need to sit down and look at it but there is just so much on it!

It's still available so go and order one!

Second of all, my new math teacher arrived! She seems lovely and isn't too strict with us so that's nice. She knows what she is doing which makes all of my worries seem quite unnecessary now. Well I suppose most of my worries are! Our first lesson included a maths joke (math construction - classic) and a math trick (she stuck a number above the board and when we asked what it was for, she proceeded to get us to call out random numbers and they added up to the number!). I knew then that we would be ok.

Third of all is a new series I will begin shortly. It is called 'the end?' and will work like a competition between geography and physics in their bid to end the world first/best. So... We'll see how that goes?! I think Brian would enjoy it.

Fourth of all, I have wrote this on a piece of paper in the middle of the night 'Is there anti matter? I could go at the speed of light if I had a spaceship that weighed the opposite of me'. It turns out that anti matter isn't a thing yet but who knows what will be possible once we learn about the higgs field? Or am I being crazy? It seems crazy but that just makes it even cooler! I think anti matter would be repelled by the gravitational pull of the earth though so I could get to really high speeds easily. Construction and landing might be a but tricky though... Maybe it could be switched off?

Last of all, I did a physics mock last week but I'm really not holding high hopes. It's all getting a bit worrying! And then the other day I had a strange thought. I was doing some geography revision and I suddenly had the realisation - Physics should really be my priority.... And then I thought, ' Why haven't I thought of this before?!' And then I thought about how much I had to do and how much time was left so my chest tightened and I hyperventilated a little.

Sometimes I forget that just because I write the title at the end, you don't read it that way...

Wednesdays are fun

Today really was the weirdest day...

At lunch there was a talent show which was pretty average for most of the time. You know the usually trio of sings, a girl and her guitar and the GCSE dance class, then a teachers dance with a male teacher dressed as a woman failing about the place. But then the last act... Well it was hilarious, genius and just a tiny bit horrifying! 5 of the male teachers dressed as once direction lip syncing 'what makes you beautiful' including a dimmed light serenade to our head teacher... Cringing at the memory here!

And then straight after lunch was my last lesson with my favourite maths teacher, which was quite sad. I'm sure the new teacher will be good but this teacher was brilliant and I will definitely miss her.

Then we had physics after school which ended in hysterical laughter and an unintentional capacitor joke at 4 o'clock which is super early!

Gosh, I'm going to miss school!

P.s. I honestly was going to be productive tonight but since I can't find my USB and so will now have to start my geography essay all over again I kind of lost my motivation...

The last couple of days

I'm getting into some awful blog habits! Firstly I've become a sort of mind blogger so instead of posting on here I just post in my head and then if I only keep things in my head they get lost forever! Blogging has also slipped down my list of things to do, so much so that it rarely even makes the shortlist nowadays. I have several half written drafts waiting to be finished but I don't think I can ever just stop writing completely...

So the point of this post is to break a trend and write on a weekday! And also because I've had the weirdest couple of days!

Yesterday morning was the Physics aptitude test and I don't feel too brilliant about how I did to be honest... But then it was supposed to be difficult and it was so maybe thats the only way it could be. And honestly it was exciting not to know what to do and to have to try and figure it out! It just wasnt quite as fun when I couldn't...

Then I went to Ilford in the afternoon for a session with an oxford recruitment employee. We only found out about it the day before so it all felt a bit crazy! But we got there in the end, with the use of the GPS on my phone. Actually I havent said yet (welll I have talked about it a lot in real life...) but I got a new phone for my birthday and I absolutely love it! Firstly GPS is a-maz-ing!! It's so impressive, and slightly scary, that my phone can find my location so fast and then give me directions to wherever I want to go, track my location and change the route in real time. Wow... I'll research how it works later, I haven't finished going through the day yet! The session was quite good. I was expecting a mock interview or to be given some practical tips but I suppose that was asking for too much really. However it was very reassuring and dispelled some of the rumours I had heard and although it all seems a little premature as none of us have even been called to interveiw yet it is quite comforting to do something to prepare.

And then I went to a Jessie J concert!!! It was a birthday present from my cousin since I turned 18 last week, I have half a post about that waiting to be finished... And I know what your thinking, your thinking 'oh my goodness Jessie J has nothing to do with Physics!' but I'm afraid you're wrong! Actually I've thought this through and have two links. Firstly the pyrotechnics were amazing! There were lights everywhere, smoke machines, fireworks, confetti and balloons. Maybe I'll reaserch that all a bit more later... And secondly, just before one of the songs Jessie had this whole speech about following your dreams and not changing who you are so I decided I'm a physicist and thats what I'll be, nerdy quirks in awkward social situations and all!

So then today was hard work since I never go out on a school night, let alone to a concert getting back at midnight! But I managed to get through it without collapsing on the floor dramatically with my hand stretched out, using my last breath to beg for coffee so I'm feeling a little more confident about how welll I can deal with sleep deprivation during the uni years!

I got the 2 most recent issues of the Physics review at lunch so I spent my next free reading though them which was really fun actually! There were a few bits about things we had done in class which were nice because it made me feel smart that I knew what they were talking about! And then There was an article about Nikola tesla on the back page which of course I found extremely interesting!  There was also an article about physics blogs (I've got to confess to having a mini daydream involving my blog being written about in a magazine...) and they recommended this blog which I've just read through a few posts from and it is really brilliant! Its pitched at the perfect level and is about physics in the news which is always great! I've also learnt why spherical icecubes are the best which I think will come in handy as an icebreaker at some kind of social science event!

Then this evening when I got home there was a letter waiting for me. It was from Nottingham and had a first class stamp on it so I ripped it open and was hugely relieved to find a letter saying that they would like to offer me a place and will have an informal meeting with me in January to decide what the conditions of my offer will be! I hadn't relised quite how much the worry of having no offers was weighing down on me but I feel so much lighter now!

Now I'm going to get ready and go to bed because I really can't run the risk of causing a coffee induced scene tomorrow as well! It's a shame though becasue my lava lamp only just warmed up properly... Goodnight!

Day Five

You might be quite pleased that finally the week is over and I will now stop writing a monotonous daily diary! But I'm feeling quite sentimental and I want to rememeber forever how special this week was!

My zeolite never came back but I honestly was okay with it in the end! My group still managed a great presentation with just 3 zeolites and we genuinely did get some interesting data! They filmed it and are going to put it on youtube at some point so I'll judge how awful it is and maybe show it to some people!

I met some great people and I really proved to mayself that I can make freinds! Or at least trick people into talking to me for a bit!

So I guess thats it until the next time! My tiredness is proof of the greatness of the week I think.

Day Four

I feel quite sad knowing that today is day four and I only have one day left! I really have had a brilliant time, I don't want it to end..

Today I went to the academy after mentally preparing myself for my data not to have come back. I was a little disappointed but I had convinced myself that I was fine with it. Then I spoke to a few people and they all told me that everyones' data had run! They had all worked! I was extremely excited and was desperate to get started. I ran to my computer and although they are very fast, the computer seemed to take years to set up! I can barely even describe the crushing disappointment I felt when I found all of my jobs folder void of any output. I checked the queue and sure enough, there are my jobs - waiting in the run column... Our undergraduate ambassador seems to think I might have set up some kind of loop but I'm still in the stage of denial and am still praying my results will come through by tomorrow morning - I won't get my hopes up too high though!

None of the zeolites came back with a negative thermal expansion though (the volume  increased with temperature) so maybe mine is contracting and that is why it is taking so long? Possibly? And if that is the case - my data will be the most interesting and brilliant! Fingers crossed?

So now I have to prepare for the presentation tomorrow and we are going to talk without notes which completely terrifies me!

This morning we did a workshop on presentation skills which I was convinced would be a waste of time but it was actually pretty useful! We had a quick go at a presentation but only had half an hour to prepare and were supposed to teach the rest of the group something. At first we struggled to come up with an idea and then I remembered about the origami jumping frogs! We had the best idea by far and I did the demonstration without anything going very wrong so I'm actually feeling quietly confident about public speaking at this precise moment.

However tomorrow the presentation will be in front of strangers (I don't count the group as strangers anymore!) so it will be a bit different! And of course I don't know as much about Physics as I do about origami frogs... Oh and to make it even scarier - I think my teacher is coming! She hasn't told us but I heard from my friends that she has booked the afternoon off!

Today was good, I just hope tomorrow goes well - eek!

Day Three

Today we spent a whole day on our research project, although it didn't feel like a whole day! I felt like I was just getting the hang of it then I suddenly saw we only had 15 minuetes left and had a mad rush to finish! It turns out that this was the worst part and there were several mistakes in the template and instructions. Luckily with the support of each other our team managed to finish but I'm not convinced the jobs were sent off successfully but I am hoping and praying that at least most of them work!

How it works is that at Queen Mary we are working on virtual computers and then when we have programmed the files we send them off to Cambridge where lots of more powerful computers process the files. In our case processing the files means looking at the parameters set and seeing how the Zeolites change over time at different temperatures. Usually things expand when they are heated but we are looking for Zeolites that contract and this property is called negative thermal expansion.

I managed to get used to using some basic commands, I learnt that this '~' is a tico, I got a little faster and more accurate at typing, I practised working under pressure and I have definietly built upon my team work skills. Actually I only just realised who good today really was! Even if our simualtions do not work, I have taken alot from today.

I got home today and had a nap on the sofa (I had to go to school for a meeting and didn't want to scare everyone with bloodshot eyes and lack of sleep induced mood swings!) and I kept dreaming that I was still using linex! I was a super fast typer and the words just kept filling the screen but it didn't scare me as much as in real life!

Day Two

The problem with doing amazing Physics things all week is that I spend so much time doing amazing Physics things I have no time to write about it all!

Mobius Loop

Yesterday at the academy was pretty cool. We had a Maths session all morning but it was nothing like I expected the Maths to be! We tried out a few flexagons and explored some of the incredible characteristics of the mobius loop and they were amazing! The lecturer was very good and I really enjoyed myself! I just have to show everyone the mobius loop tricks!


In the afternoon we went into our research groups and although I got my first choice alot of people in my group didn't, the neutrino research was very popular! We picked out a neutrino each and since they were all labelled with three initials I chose the one called LOV. My friend chose GOO, a girl in my team chose SOS and my new friend (I'm actually talking to people!) chose BSV which sounded boring but then he showed me the structure and then I realised he had chosen the most awesome one in the most sensible way! However my choice did mean that whenever I had to explain a problem to anyone I got to say 'I have no idea what is happening, but I am in LOV(E)'!

We didn't get very far and I was still struggling with using Linex yesterday. It was so strange to use a command interface and took some serious adjustment. I am still not very good at it but yesterday I was still feeling quite useless and a little helpless but still keeping positive for the sake of the team of course.

Day One

Today was the first day of the Physics Academy!! It was awesome!! I was slightly surprised by how few people there were, only 31, but I suppose that kind of makes it better.

I was right though, the ice breaker was awkward! We had a bingo sheet and had to find a person who was a vegetarian or was left handed or has read a book by Steven Hawkin or owns an unusual pet. So I became known as the Rat Girl... This isn't how I expected to be introduced to everyone! I should just have pretended that I had seen Saturn through a telescope..

And then we had a tour of the university which for me involved all of us squashing into the ladies bathroom to see the Dixon hand dryer and walking past my entire year group at school (they had a trip too) whilst they screamed my name! I'm not going to lie, I told a few people that I was famous!

It wasn't actually on an extremely steep hill...

If I were to treat today as an Open Day I would have to write that I was not immediately impressed by Queen Mary University. Some of the buildings appear quite shabby and I was not blown away by the facilities. However the lecturers were very good and I am extremely grateful for the generosity and hospitality the university has shown as in the form of student ambassadors, free lunch and the general sense of care that they have provided. I also have to say that the food was very reasonably priced and quite tasty. From the outside the accommodation seems nice and there is a pretty canal which came as quite a surprise when we found it!

Then we had a few lectures. One was about 'Condensed Matter Physics' which I knew nothing about before but it was linked to some things were had talked about in Chemistry. Then we had a talk about 'Particle Physics' which was about neutrinos and was completely brilliant! The lecturer told us about all these amazing research facilities accross the world and I will make a post about them later. Finally we had a talk about 'Astrophysics' which was about solar flares and was great as well. The lecturer gave us a list of websites for veiwing the Sun and this one is my favourite.

So then I had to chose a research project for the next week, and it was SUCH a hard decision. In the end I decided to choose the Condensed Matter Physics research becasue it will give me a chance to try out some computer simulations which I have only tried once before, it is a practical I think is likely to work and we will be doing some actual real research! I mean actually finding out things people have never found out before! There are 197 different zeolite structures and they haven't all been studied before so we will be looking at some of them and finding out if they have negative thermal expansion. I can't wait to get started!

The Day Today

So today is the day I started my UCAS application! I feel like this will be a momentous occasion although I know I will forget all of this once I eventually go to University. Even though I am sure I will grow to hate this website, it was pretty exciting to start! Going to university is beginning to feel more and more real, this is actually going to happen! Somehow...

Today is also the day my Physics teacher accidentally pocket-dialled me - awkward!!

Steven Hawkin

Albert Einstein

And today is also the day my Mum went to Madam Tussuad's with her school on a trip and took pictures of the Physics people for me!

Unfortunately there wasn't one of Brian...


Wow, for a remarkably average day a lot happened!